Since writing the last review, I have been to the pub for six pints!  Let's see whether that makes any difference.  Won't this be exciting!

I don't know about you, but when Wolverine's been running fill-in stories for three issues, and Marvel have found space for several miniseries with the character, I can't imagine anything we need less than an issue of X-Men Unlimited devoted to Wolverine.  Why, the prospect is almost as exciting as an evening in, clipping my toenails.

And do you know, after reading X-Men Unlimited #46, my feelings are broadly similar.

Two stories in this issue, neither of them worth reading.  "Weapon of Choice" is by Ian Edginton and Simon Bisley.  You'd have thought Simon Bisley - an artist largely defined by excessive levels of violence and testosterone - would be an ideal match for Wolverine.  No such luck.  What we have here is a thoroughly average affair, in which Wolverine brings down a pit-fighting ring.  Imagine the current run on Thunderbolts without the subtlety and you're basically on the right lines.

It's not desperately good, to put it mildly.  Bisley is toning himself down in the interests of relatively normal storytelling, and I can't imagine anything more pointless than a toned down Simon Bisley.  It's like hiring Marilyn Manson and asking him to produce a single that sounds a bit like Genesis.

Meanwhile, Wolverine is yet again helping out a hitherto-unseen old friend.  Can I prevail upon Marvel to please outlaw this tired old hackneyed plot device for a period of at least five years?  I've lost count of the number of stories I've read in which Wolverine lends a hand to a previously unseen old friend.  This suggests to me that it's a crutch for bad writers with no imagination.  When it includes dialogue like "That makes him one of the handful of people I call a friend", I feel obliged to draw attention to it.  Please ban it before I turn to violence.  It's lazy writing of the worst sort, it has been for at least ten years, and there's no excuse for it.

At the risk of writing something I'll regret when I'm sober, I'm astonished that professional writers continue to hand in material premise on the incredible novelty of Wolverine handing out with one of his friends.  You can't seriously think that there's anyone out there reading this story and saying to themselves, "Wow!  Wolverine helping out an old friend!  Never seen that before."

This is not solely directed at Ian Edginton.  It's a device which has been overused for literally at least ten years now.  It's cliched.  It's uninspired.  It's hackneyed.  It's boring.  For heaven's sake, what writer in his right mind could produce a script involving Wolverine helping out an old friend and not know that it was one of the most boring, tired, dreary old devices imaginable?  And knowing that, who would bother handing in the script?  What's the fucking point?

The fact that a thousand people have written this story before is not a validation.  It's a reason to do something else.  Does this really need to be pointed out?

I for one am fed up of stories in which Wolverine helps out a hitherto unseen old friend.  I feel confident that I am in the vast majority on this point.  I fervently hope to see nothing similar in the near future.

"Upon Reflection" is a short story by Bruce Jones and Shin Nagasawa, in which Wolverine visits a scientific facility and fights a monster.  It's boring crap with no redeeming value, and continues to make me wonder why Bruce Jones writes decent material on Incredible Hulk but nothing of interest anywhere else.

The story hinges on the thoroughly unlikely plot device that the facility in question has an override facility which can only be activated by inserting a AA battery; and that the scientist in question didn't keep one to hand.  Frankly, this is an insult to the intelligence.

You know how they used to say X-Men Unlimited was pointless shit, aimed at fanboys who'd buy any old crap with an X on the cover?

It still is.

I mean, I'm a moderate man.  I'm nice.  I'm cuddly.  I don't want to be nasty to people.

But for heaven's sake.  What is this issue for?  What's the bloody point?  Does this series have any purpose at all other than to pump me for money?  Where are the ideas?  Where's the inspiration?  Who cares?  Does anyone?  I certainly don't.  I can't remember the last time anyone told me they looked forward to X-Men Unlimited.

Is this book being published for any reason at all other than to rake in some more money?  If so, would Marvel care to tell us what it is?

Rating: C-

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