9 january 2000

I'll take UNCANNY X-MEN and CABLE together, since they're both part of the Ages of Apocalypse storyline.

Oh god, it's an iteration crossover. The last time I saw one of these things, it was at the tail end of Heroes Reborn. You might recall that issue #12 of all the Heroes Reborn books had the Earth being destroyed, and Doom travelling back in time at the end of each one to try and get it right the next time round. So basically the same story in all of them. And basically a bit dull once you've read the first one and got the general idea.

This isn't an iteration story in quite such an extreme form, but it's getting there. The gimmick is that each of the Ages of Apocalypse titles (which we're going to be getting over the course of the next month, so we'd damn well better learn to like them) shows different points in an alternate reality where everything's a bit odd. Problem is, since they're supposed to be self-contained, both of them reveal the ending. Which is that Apocalypse is using his new reality-warping powers to try and get the Twelve back together. And both issues end with Cyclops showing up to be ominous, and then everyone realising there's something wrong and waking up back in the Twelve chamber. Cue next illusion.

Now, this just doesn't work. It doesn't make a great deal of sense on a plot level (how can Apocalypse expect to re-form the Twelve when Bishop's already gone back to his own time?), and it doesn't make for very interesting reading, since the main narrative thread of both stories is characters feeling a bit uncomfortable, thinking that something's wrong, and ultimately realising that it is. It's the same story, with different period dress.

Uncanny X-Men has the better story, although I might just be saying that because I read that one first, so the repetition hadn't set in. It's a riff on X-Men Vol 1 #1-2, with various characters from the Twelve plot filling in for the absent heroes (Gambit as Cyclops, for example). A lot of the swaps are rather cleverly worked out, such as all the reformed villains forming the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, and the Scarlet Witch being replaced by Polaris, another character who's had a "Magneto's daughter" plot in the past. Equally, the idea that the current low-power Magneto needs to rely on Polaris to bolster him and consequently can't get away with the sort of stunt he tried in X-Men #1 in this reality, is clever.

But clever is the operative word; once you look past all the fiddling about with continuity, there's no point to all this, and no real story. The X-Men are confused, but then they're not. Ho hum.

Cable picks up with everyone back in an illusion and apparently not remembering that they bust out of it once before, which obliterates any sense of plot development. This is the near future with the Living Monolith having turned Egypt into a world power (sure, right, if you say so) and taken over much of the world. Cable leads a big army against him, although it's hard to rate his chances that much when he seems for some unfathomable reason to be relying heavily on horseback cavalry.

It's not awful, but it's every bit as pointless as the Uncanny issue. So there's a war on. So there's a fight. So what? We all know it's just an illusion, since we've read part one, and there's no other real purpose to the story. Why are we meant to care? It seems that Marvel have actually defeated the purpose of crossovers here, and come up with a storyline which is more entertaining if you don't read it all.

These are both okay issues, given the framework that they have to operate in - but that's one hell of a qualification.

Back in the world of proper plots, with consequences and all, GAMBIT is in the middle of the Sunset Dawn storyline. This issue puts Gambit in the New York of 1891, trying to get to Mr Sinister before the contemporary Thieves Guild do. Which, so far, so conventional.

Where we verge off into the rather more weird is Sinister's 1891 cover identity as an obstetrician, and his enigmatic relationship with a woman called Amanda Mueller who appears to have had an implausibly bad run of luck with miscarriages. This is the sort of thing Sinister ought to be up to - vaguely hinted at, but fairly clearly extremely nasty.

Sinister is one of the most perennially underperforming characters in the X-books' stable. He would like to be menacing and threatening. In fact, he looks like an S&M clown and has the most pathetically stupid name imaginable. This has not assisted him in his drive to be threatening. Stories like this do much more for him, by keeping use of that name to a minimum, giving him a rather less camp costume, and equipping him with a century- old laboratory far more unpleasant than his Kirbytech will ever be.

Since we're between artists, art this month comes from Anthony Williams, whose name has been making my heart sink on X-Force for a while now. By all accounts he's actually very good and just gets loads of unrealistic deadlines for fill-in work; this week, with genuinely good work from him on both this book and Uncanny X-Men 1999, I'm starting to see the point. His art may not have the bravura qualities of Steve Skroce, but it does well on period detail. (Well, I'd imagine. Not like I know the first thing about 1891 New York.)

It's still the best book in the X-Men line, and I'm going to keep telling you that until you all go out and buy it.

Marvel, allow me to give you a basic lesson about dramatic tension.

UNCANNY X-MEN 1999 has a running plot about Magneto not being who he appears to be. Who he is, is meant to be a mystery. It is a source of dramatic tension. Or it would be, if you hadn't plastered the words "THE RETURN OF EXODUS!" on the cover, making the answer blatantly obvious to anyone with an IQ greater than two. This is basic stuff, Marvel, but you apparently need the reminder, so I'm just taking it slowly for you here.

Anyhow. Even allowing for that, this is still a pretty good issue. I know that may sound unlikely given that it's the return of Exodus and it's set in Genosha, but honestly, it is. With Magneto absent at the Twelve storyline, Exodus has taken his place (hell, if Marvel are going to blow the plot, I may as well) and sets about creating a paradise of interracial fraternisation. All of which is out of character for Exodus even more than Magneto, which would have made his appearance a surprise if Marvel hadn't screwed it up.

The book certainly has its weaknesses. No real explanation of Exodus's change of attitude is given ("I have seen the error of my bigoted beliefs" is not an explanation), and the central dilemma isn't original - characters trying to play god and learning the error of their ways have been done before, after all.

Nonetheless, it's certainly worth a look, since it's a well paced story with more strong artwork from Anthony Williams, and even if its developments for Exodus seem rather contrived, they certainly take the character in a more interesting direction. The story also makes very good use of its slightly unusual X-Men line-up - Nightcrawler, Shadowcat, Wolverine, Archangel and Jubilee - getting plenty of material out of the team dynamics. Flawed, but still another one to chalk up in the hit column for Ben Raab.

Last issue of WOLVERINE ended with a downright baffling speech by Archangel which was apparently meant to be a cliffhanger but was in fact completely incomprehensible to everyone I've spoken to. This issue is, to a large extent, more of the same. I'm not entirely convinced Erik Larsen understands what this story is meant to be about; if he does, his script has certainly failed to convey it to me.

As a result of the unfathomable happenings last issue, Archangel has got glowing wings (which I think he loses permanently at the end of the issue, but I'm not honestly sure) and has gone flying off to hover around hospitals in New York. Supposedly this is all something to do with darkness, but he seems awfully light and in a particularly caring mood. He gives out a bit of comfort and heals a former Horseman. There is a contrived and impenetrable explanation of why Apocalypse would want to give Archangel healing wings which makes no sense to me and which fails to explain why they've suddenly appeared in the first place.

Subplot with Psylocke and Cerebro... yup, I understand that bit. Stuff about Warren and Logan's feelings about becoming Horsemen in the first place... yup, that too. They're okay. But I cannot for the life of me make head nor tail of the central plot, and I'm pretty sure that's not the intended effect. So it's going to have to be a bad review.

(If either of the writers involved would care to explain the plot to me by e-mail or in a follow-up post, I'd be genuinely fascinated to find out what it was meant to be.)

Ben Raab could hardly do his X-MEN: HELLFIRE CLUB historical series without taking the chance to do something with his beloved Union Jack. So this is World War I, and this is... seriously odd.

Let's see if I'm following this flashback plot correctly. The Hellfire Club is trying to complete its dynastic Inner Circle by recruiting one of the Shaw family after the death of Cornelius Shaw. They approach his virtuous son Esau, who tells them to sod off. Less virtuous son Jacob, who is a bastard, is envious of all this. Mr Sinister, for reasons of his own, injects Jacob with something that gives him the power to turn into a woman. Jacob, apparently some kind of latent transexual, is actually pretty pleased with this and, after killing his brother, infiltrates the Hellfire Club as a prostitute intending to kill the Inner Circle.

Ri-i-ight.

I'm still trying to get my head round this one. Granted, this has been a somewhat different series from the beginning, but this is just plain bizarre.

Sinister gets another appearance in period costume, and again works rather better than he ever seems to do in the present day. (Perhaps time to dump that ludicrously camp costume he wears, hmm?) He doesn't seem to have any terribly clear motivation for his involvement in all this, however, and I do get the distinct impression he's being wheeled out as a plot device. Of course, maybe next issue will tie all of these flashbacks (and the briding plot of the Hellfire Club gunning for Irene Merryweather) together and bring a bit of structure to it all. We'll have to see.

Seriously weird, but strangely enjoyable nonetheless.

X-MEN: THE HIDDEN YEARS is now into its fourth straight month of Savage Land stories. As I've never found the Savage Land particularly interesting, my patience would normally be strained by this point, but this Byrne's retro mode remains entertaining.

Frankly, I don't have very much I want to say about this, but it's worth a look if you want to hark back to the kinder, simpler days when the X-books weren't drowning in angst. Byrne's art is far better here than on the Spider-Man books, pulling off scenes of collapsing cities and Cyclops tunnelling through mountains that really ought to be a bit much. This is the sort of thing Byrne used to do well at his peak, and it's nice to see him recapturing some of that.

Of course, he's already started the subplot involving Storm, which makes me a touch nervous. But for the moment, this is perfectly good stuff, even if another month in the Savage Land is going to become taxing.