I wasn't originally going to bother reviewing Civil War: The Return because, well, what can you say about it?  But in a broader sense, it's starting to become interesting to me.

This is a one-shot by Paul Jenkins and Tom Raney which, rather out of the blue, brings Captain Marvel back into the Marvel Universe despite the minor handicap of his death from cancer in 1983.  The explanation - and believe me, nothing in this book is interesting enough to really qualify as a spoiler - is that he fell through a hole in time, and at some point he'll have to go back to the past and die.  Unless he's just a Captain Marvel from a divergent reality, which the established ground rules of the Marvel Universe would easily allow.  But that's inconvenient to the plot, so we're going to pretend it's not an option.

By the way, that's just the first half of the book.  The second half is a generic Sentry story which ends with him deciding that he's terribly powerful and awfully dangerous, and therefore ought to register with the authorities.  Even though Sentry's decision was already covered, in completely different terms, in New Avengers, this might just about have worked if the story had done anything to set up his dilemma.  Instead, it just comes up at the last moment, as if we were previously unaware of what side the Sentry was on.  It's quite bizarre.

Now, let's be clear about one thing: this comic is nowhere near as bad as people are saying.  It seems to be gathering a reputation as one of the worst comics of the last few years, and really, that just shows what short memories people have.  It's not that long ago that I was reviewing Chuck Austen stories about disintegrator communion wafers, which were in a whole different league of awfulness from anything to be found here.  This is merely mediocre.

But it does beg the question: what on earth are they thinking?  Why bring back Captain Marvel, of all people?

In his weekly Q&A at Newsarama, Joe Quesada seems to be wildly misconstruing the reaction to Civil War: The Return - whether that's through spin or denial is a matter for speculation.  Quesada seems to suggest that the issue has sparked an outraged response from people who thought the death of Captain Marvel was some sort of sacred cow.  In fact, that doesn't seem to be the typical response at all.  Let's be quite clear about this: When I say "Why on earth would they do that?", I mean it in the same way that I would if they'd just announced an ongoing Ultimate Steeltown Rockers series.  It's not "Why would they undo this classic story?"  It's just "Why?"

Captain Marvel hasn't appeared in an ongoing title since 1979, for heaven's sake.  Very few of today's readers remember him at all, let alone care.  Even his supposedly classic death story was published a quarter of a century ago.  Although Thanos and Ms Marvel both started out in his supporting cast, both long since became freestanding.  His son had a low-selling book for a while.  And that's about it.  To the overwhelming majority of today's readers, Captain Marvel is nothing more than a footnote in history - Marvel's second best Jim Starlin outer space adventure series of the 1970s.

Everybody figured out that they were bringing back Captain Marvel as soon as the cover was released (with his insignia on it).  But nobody cared.  People only started really burying this comic once they'd read it, and what does that tell you?

It tells you that people had no strong feelings about the concept one way or the other, but by god, they really hated this comic.  That's not a good sign for the upcoming Captain Marvel title it was meant to be promoting. 

Now, personally, I can't summon up the negative passion that a lot of reviewers have mustered for this book.  But it was an odd reading experience.  Normally I like a book, or I actively can't stand it, or sometimes it just goes in one ear and out the other.  This was none of the above - it was more like walking into a lamppost.  Even though it brings back a major character, it still gives the impression of achieving nothing and gathering no momentum, before stopping dead.  It ends with a mental thud.  I have a vivid memory of reaching the end of the Captain Marvel story and just stopping dead for a moment and thinking, "What the hell was that?"  I honestly can't remember the last time I reacted to a comic quite that way - normally, I'm braced for it when a truly abysmal comic comes out, but this is by Paul Jenkins and Tom Raney.  This is the stunned realisation that you have blundered into an unanticipated moment of high-profile mediocrity.

It's not quite as bad as everyone's saying; we've seen some outrageously bad comics in the last few years, and this isn't in that league.  But it is a bathetic anti-climax after all the hype, and a strong case can be made that it's one of the worst comics produced in recent years by creators with a reasonable track record for quality.  The only reaction it provokes is befuddlement about what Marvel were thinking.

Rating: D+

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