Marvel solicited Pat Lee's X-Men and Fantastic Four miniseries under the less-than-inspiring title X-Men/Fantastic Four.  But the actual logo says X4, and I'm going to go with that, because it's much shorter.  Besides, Chris Claremont and Jon Bogdanove already did a Fantastic Four vs X-Men miniseries in 1987, so X4 is a much more memorable title.

It also has the advantage of summing up the gawping vacancy of the comic itself.

Let us pause for a moment to consider why X4 exists.  Remember that we already live in a world where there are four ongoing X-Men titles, two of which already ship more than monthly, and three ongoing Fantastic Four titles.  It is difficult to believe that anyone is desperate to see more of either team.  If anything, most of us would probably prefer to see rather less.

So miniseries like this have to sell themselves on two possibilities.  One, the entertainment value of the two teams meeting.  Anyone really all that thrilled by the possibility of the Fantastic Four meeting the X-Men, which has happened hundreds of times before?  No, me neither.  So scratch that one.  Two, the entertainment value of seeing it done by this particular creative team.  Anyone particularly holding out to see this story done by Akira Yoshida and Dreamwave Studios?  No, me neither.

I can only assume that somebody in Marvel's marketing department thought it would be a wonderful idea to have an X-Men/Fantastic Four trade paperback ready to go in time for next year's FF film.  What a shame it doesn't seem to have occurred to anyone that it should include a story.  This has all the hallmarks of a comic produced via the Commissioning Editor's Syllogism: (1) We must publish an X-Men/Fantastic Four miniseries.  (2) This is an X-Men/ Fantastic Four miniseries.  (3) Therefore we must publish it.

To pull off this story, you need to find some sort of conceptual common ground between the characters, or at least make them interact in an interesting way.  Akira Yoshida's script fails dismally on every count.  He has the superficial character traits right (which is to say, the dialogue has Storm talking about goddesses and the Thing gets to do his accent).  But nothing else works.

The Fantastic Four show up on the X-Men's doorstep because they'd like to borrow Cerebra.  For some reason a request of this sort cannot be made by phone.  Wolverine (who has somehow managed to get a hangover, despite having a superhuman healing power) answers the door, and the world's most pointless fight ensues.  Because... uh...  well, it just does.  When I read drivel like this, I honestly start to wonder what the editors do all day.  How long does it take to skim the script, find a red pen, and scribble "??? Insert reason for fight?" in the margin?

Anyhow, the Fantastic Four and the X-Men end up joining forces to reach a space station which is in trouble, so that they can rescue any survivors.  Surprisingly, even though this series stars the bloody Fantastic Four, the only vehicle available for the purpose is the X-Men's aircraft.  Only six people can go because it only has six seats.  Now, at this point, two thoughts might have crossed your mind.  (1) Why not get one of the FF's vehicles?  (2) If the plane can only carry six people, where are they planning to put the survivors who they're trying to rescue?  If so, you are thinking far more deeply than anyone who worked on this book.

Don't go near it.

Rating: C-

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